The Tattered Journal

I have begun to realize my blog has quickly become like a journal to me. I have kept many, many, diaries and journals over the years. There is nothing like the feeling of a blank notebook in my hands just waiting for me to fill it with secrets and experiences.

You would think at this point I would have notebooks in stacks around my room filled to the brim, but this isn’t the case. Yes, I do have notebooks in stacks just not quite filled with what I originally pictured when I turned to the first page. Most of my notebooks and journals consist of doodles and maybe half of a story if I’m lucky. However, none of them ever stuck. All the stacks of notebooks were mostly blank and boring, until my journal to God.

I started it when I was pretty young. (About 8ish maybe?) I was at the peak of my fascination with journals at the time and my dad brought back a blank one from an event he took part in. It was a boring, black notebook with the logo of the event on the front in white and a tiny loop for a pen. Altogether not the most romantic or stereotypical journal, but as you have probably already gathered, at the time I saw it as a world of possibility.

This plain, boring notebook was different. I don't know what fueled me but I distinctly remember running outside to my parents and enthusiastically saying, “I know what I do with this! (the notebook) I can make it my journal to God!” Every entry started with “Dear God” or “Hi Jesus.” I wrote about anything in there sprinkling “I know you know this but…” every once in a while. It was my only journal that stuck. (Hmm… wonder why.) I brought it everywhere! Every time God showed up in my life I wrote it down. Sometimes I would forget about the journal or lose it, but then a year later I would pick it up and pour my heart out to the Lord about something that just happened.

What made this journal so different? It was Christ-centered. Recently, I have been busy and prioritizing other things over reading my Bible and spending time with God. I would usually forget about it, quickly skim a chapter in Psalms, and then go to bed. (Cue frowns of disappointment) God brought my attention to this when I was praying for Him to give me words for my blog and life in general. I admitted I wanted this blog to glorify Him. Do you know what He said? Not in a booming voice from heaven, but almost a stray thought which had managed to wiggle into my head at the right moment. I was asking for words and He said, “You want my words? I gave you my word! It's the Bible! You're just not reading it!”

Ouch I know. God: one, me: zero.

Do everything to glorify God. My old, tattered, falling apart, filled to the brim journal is more precious to me than a thousand half-filled journals. Just like anything that glorifies God is more precious than anything you could try to do on your own. To achieve this read His word, especially if you are seeking answers. I will try to get better at this also. We can do it together.

Would you look at that! That was practically an entry I would have written in my journal to God! This is becoming my new journal and I've decided never to let the God element change.