You are seen

God gave me an important reminder. Not a “You're being bad” reminder, but a “I see you” reminder. I made an internal promise to myself that I would be real with you guys so I thought I'd share it.

Recently I've been struggling against all the bad stuff in the world. It's like a tug-of-war match. It's exhausting and it also makes me consider if it's easier just to drop the rope. I’d rather have a break than watch the rope stay unmoving while the pool of sweat at my feet grows larger. Letting my friends lean on me to be the perfect Christian, shutting down gossip, and being forced to be quiet when I really want to speak up even though that's not what God wants, is so tiring.  Trying to be good is tiring. Trying so hard to drag myself away from everything I used to hold tight is, let's be honest, hard.

Also, just to add more, I kept thinking about how in the Bible God always seemed to run to the fallen without a glance to the people who had been standing tall all along. (Im not saying i'm perfect or that I have been standing tall my whole life but you get the general idea) An example of this is a parable that Jesus taught about a father who had two sons. Long story short the youngest wanted his inheritance before his father died. (Yikes, I know) The father gave him his inheritance, but the youngest son spent it all and ended up taking care of pigs to survive. He returned to his father to be a servant, but his father ran to him with open arms and threw a party for him and gave him a robe. I get that a lot of people think the entire story is about the disobedient son and in a way it is. If you are that son I praise Jesus for your return, but people tend to forget about the second son. What happened to him? He was never thrown a party like the youngest and he was mad about this. What happened to him? How do you think he felt? I related with him on this.

This story and other little things like that kept popping up in my mind and for a second it felt like I wasn’t loved and valued. Didn’t Jesus say he came for the sick not the healthy? Maybe Jesus didn’t come for me. I failed to remember that Jesus died on the cross for all our sins and that He loves and watches us. He saw every time I closed my mouth so I wouldn’t gossip, He saw every person I tried to uplift with His scripture, He saw all the nights I spent reading my Bible when I felt so tired, I thought I might fall asleep mid-sentence. He saw all. He sees all. And He saw me.

I recently moved into my attic which we redid. I love my new room and to be honest I was questioning if I deserved it. I was lying on the floor staring at the ceiling wondering why God would bless me with my dream space when it came to me. God saw me. God was rewarding me. I never expected a reward and Jesus didn’t need to give me one, but He did. Now I do everything with a little more confidence, with my chin slightly raised, and with a little more skip in my step because He sees me and He sees you too. If He doesn't reward you, know He will reward you in heaven. Someone needs to hear that. In the game of tug-of-war take heart because you have the strength of God behind you even if you can’t see it.